So I just broke a painted sheet of glass.
Aaaaand I need to take a break from painting.
I am trying to get back into the habit of enjoying painting while preparing for my next art show aaand it’s different.
Different than how it used to be.
Life is different than how it used to be.
I don’t feel like I used to.
I don’t feel all energetic and emotional and motivated, listening to loud music and just feeling… the mood to create.
I also took a bit of a hiatus from socializing (physically and virtually).
However, school starts Monday for both my miniature people and it is high time I start living this life again instead of hiding out and waiting until I feel normal again.
Because apparently I never felt ‘normal’.
After developing a very new relationship with my new Dr. I have come to accept that I have been experiencing minimal mood shifts and hypomania for most of my adult life.
Upon moving into our new living situation I started taking an antidepressant to help me deal with stress and anxiety, which apparently lead me [slowly] into full blown mania.
It really sucks. And I hate that word. But it fits.
I will share more details of my whole ‘adventure’ (which quite honestly, was the best time and the most fun I have ever had) in a later post.
This one is to get reacquainted with the world.
The sucky part started immediately after the fun part. I had to take some heavy hitting medication to bring me down and I have been down for awhile now.
I wish so badly I could go back up to my functional irrationally happy/slightly annoying self. And I may never get to.
But we are working on it.
I am on two mood stabilizers and am hoping once school starts and my family is back on some sort of schedule, to return to a healthy lifestyle and recommit to exercise.
I just wish painting was as freeflowing as it used to be. And I am anticipating it to be so.
Here is a peek of a few of the pieces I am currently working on:
Things are starting to get better already.
I am no longer crying for no reason or experiencing moments of ridiculous sadness and hopelessness.
I am back to feeling like life is worth living.
And I hope to soon be back to always finding the silver lining. That gift I seem to have lost lately.
But…. I’m here.
SO here’s to finding my path again and to sharing love -because that part I thought I lost but now I know I cannot-
Let. Love. Win.