*footsteps to center stage, drops soap box and steps up*
So here’s my message from my soap box.
I have purpousfully left religion at a minimum on my blog and off my page.
I would rather be an example of a Christ-like person without offering people’s immediate bias or opinion to impair my message.
I was ok with ‘Quiet Evangelism’ (I learned this term from an amazing on line friend).
But … I.m bipolar.
And my ‘mania’ is recieving a direct message from the big guy and trying to convey it to….. someone.
It didn’t work with my family like I hoped it would. My brain had a surplus of thoughts and understanding and I couldn’t translate with words without seeming like a …maniac.
Then I was drugged which silenced my thoughts for a long time. And I was sad. Sadder than I have ever been.
But then, I started being happy and feeling like my old self again which guess what, is a little manic.
So this time My husband was the only witness and he was able to follow me down this mental rabbit hole of trying to figure out whether I was receiving a message or not, and whether or not I had to deliver it for whom ever it is for.
Well I have heard this voice (because it was my own voice in my head)- and I have heard it all my life.
I haven’t been crazy or wierd, I have been ECCENTRIC right? That was my first post.
I cannot even try to explain everything that has happened in my brain (especially prior to this typing of this post) without sounding like a maniac.
So maybe I am manic now. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing a post to the public.
But I am.
I have been trying to figure out the message and who it is for, for way too long.
Whoever you are that this post speaks to…. you are the one. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
I have faith.
I have more faith in my God than I have ever in my life.
He has answered every question and every concern and every doubt I have laid before Him.
My merssage to you is….give Him a chance.
You may not need Church, you may not need docterine, you may not need a sermon (which is ok that many many do) but I questioned all of those things myself over the years.
You just need to give Him a fighting chance.
He will meet you where you are.
It is not supposed to be about who sins or what is or isn’t a sin or any judgement or debate or schism in the church.
It is about love.
Learning about HIM and His love for you.
Read your Bible. Not the study, or the sermon or the textbooks-others opinions of what their impression of God has to say from their life’s experience and history and education … try the word for yourself.
I am all for church and fellowship and learning from one another. I am afraid so many people let the politics of it all hinder their opinion of what needs to happen to meet Him. It’s not. You can meet Him all by yourself.
And once you recieve that opportunity to feel Him -you will be changed.
It is about love.
And loving EVERYONE.
It is ok to not understand the ‘why’s’ and the suffering.
That wasw a HUGE concern for me.
I got pregnant before I was married with (lets be honest) a practical stranger.
And I have been secretly worrying about what my punishment will be for that; illness, disease, any developemental issues…. but guess what I was told-
It doesn’t work that way. None of this works that way.
You can be angry with God all you want. I know I have been.
But give a relationship with Him a chance. And he may show you the answers.
I am finally at a point where I truly understand and am able to follow His word.
Just give Him a chance. A real, honest chance. You have nothing to lose.
I am going to continue my irrationally happy life with my wonderful perfectly imperfect self and family and treat each day like the gift it truly is. And I no longer pray for nothing bad to happen to me or my loved ones, I pray to handle whatever comes with grace and understanding. To use what I am dealt to better things. Even if it is showing someone how to live a Christ-FILLED life under negative circumstances.
And that my friend, is my sermon.