My 35th Birfday

I just got out of the shower after running five miles and was about to get in bed when I realized… I have a few words to share.

First of all, I understand that most of you have no idea how absurd that previous sentence is.

I just recently discovered that I loved running.

And that I could run for that matter.

I have been up and down with exercise my entire life, I reached an ultimate low for physical health last year.

After an all-clear from the doctor which thwarted my quick-fix-because-I-am-sure-this-constant-fatigue-and-weight-gain was due to a thyroid issue and would be resolved with some medical science…..I was told to adjust my diet and exercise. Ick.

A few days later I heard an ad on Pandora for a 30 day trial for Daily Burn, a health and fitness program with a variety of workout programs.

I [surprisingly] stuck with it. After 6 months I moved onto Insanity program. I completed 2 full sessions and am still using the second month workouts intermixed with running and cross training.

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I plan to run my first half marathon this September.

^^^THAT sounds so surreal.

Anyway, this is all important to know, because not only am I experiencing a physical metamorphose, I am experiencing a mental change.

I am truly convinced that we were meant to work. To sweat. To push. To feel sore. To recover. To repeat.

It doesn’t matter where you are. You can start anywhere. Just going for a walk. Taking the stairs. It all sounds so cliche but I swear it is all so true.

If you stick with it, you will eventually feel so much better.

Of course a healthy diet will help, but to be honest, I knew I would never be happy with a completely healthy diet (hello my name is Kimmy, and I am addicted to sugar [eating bottle caps as she types]) so that is why I realized I would literally have to work my butt off.

Okay, okay sorry for the PSA on fitness but I just want to share what I am experiencing.

I thought 35 was going to be hard for me, not sure why, it was just my milestone birthday.

*So many people think 30 is a big deal but I say, embrace it. Now you have a whole new decade to look good for. You may have looked/felt good for being in your twenties but now   you look/feel great for being in your thirties!

I was experiencing a lot of anticipation building up to this day and it was a terrific day. Hubs had to work so  I spent it coloring chalk Disney princesses  with my kids and neighbors. Yep, I played with my peers.  As I did not have a birthday cake, I carried a tub of icing and a box of graham crackers around without any judgement nibbling. all. day. long. It was deeeeelightful.

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I feel like I finished the 1st major portion of life and am just starting the next.

I experienced a lot. A lot of good. A lot of bad. A lot of joy. A lot of heartache. A lot of confusion. A lot of questions. A LOT of stumbling.

I am so blessed to be at a point where the grass is greener right here.

I have found myself,  fallen in love,  and it has allowed me to fall in love with the world around me.

I am so imperfect and I am SO okay with that.

Actually, I am great with that.

Sure I have wanted things, a nicer car, more financial stability, a house of our own, but you know what?  I have exactly what I need.

I have my health, my family, my beautiful battle scars to remind me of how strong I didn’t even know I could be and I have love. So much love.

Love makes life great.

Love your family, love your friends, love strangers…..and love your enemy.

No matter what kind of struggles or issues you are experiencing with whomever you are experiencing them with, let love win.

Realize that you ultimately have different perceptions and you are misinterpreting each other. Let. Love. Win.

You will be amazed at what it can do.

Ok, off to sleep and see what exiting things He has in store for the next chapter starting tomorrow.

I love you  all.

 

 

 

 

Making Your Own Happily Ever After -My Messy Beautiful

Disheveled, appealing combatant.

Sloppy, gorgeous assailant.

Dirty, alluring soldier.

Grimy, lovely trooper.

Okay, okay so I used a thesaurus.

But what an interesting range of meaning, right?

Messy, Beautiful Warrior is a title I am honored to carry.

It took me a long time to reach this confidence.

Once upon a time I was on a much’ cleaner’ [so I thought] academic path attending a Christian college, studying to become a teacher just like my big sisters before me.

Then a family car accident changed my life.

Several weeks in the hospital, a couple months of outpatient therapy, nasty, nasty skin debridement sessions, radiation treatments [which I was convinced I smelled like bacon for a long time] and a skin graft later, I was on my way to physical recovery with some self conscious battle scars that my nineteen year old self just did not appreciate.

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There was a change in me. I fell into depression and struggled with anxiety as I just…lost my direction.

Subsequently switching schools and majors several times [none being art related] I ended up with a career in the service industry, waiting tables and tending bar for over a decade.

I conceived the first night I spent with a man I met while bartending that I had only known a few months and my very, very NON -maternal self was. scared. poopless.

*dramatic pause for effect*

Turns out… I LOVE making people!!

I married that man and we made another person.

I thank God everyday for knowing what He was doing when I so clearly didn’t.

Now I have always doodled and been creative but it was not until years later that I found an old window in the basement and painted it to hang it in our living room, revealing a passion for painting on glass.

Discovering a new medium to work with, I started collecting salvaged windows and mirrors – right off the curb [much to the hub’s delight] and enjoyed transforming trash into art.

I named my business Makikisart  -for ‘mama’ and ‘aunt Kiki’ which was all I heard when I watched my nephews while I began painting pieces to sell. Now that they have outgrown that term of endearment it has become even more valuable to me.

I started participating in the local art events and even displayed my work at the restaurant I was tending bar at. I painted a set of glasses as a gift. Their unexpected popularity changed the focus from salvaged windows to stemware.

I transitioned from art shows to wine shows.

With the arrival our second miniature person I could not easily participate in events,  and decided to experiment with Facebook.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I found my niche.

Makikisart now ships world wide and has merchandise available for purchase at several local establishments.

Having been featured in several interviews, news articles and magazines including Success Magazine, Gladys Magazine and Today’s Bride; my business is growing and exploring many new avenues.

However, in real life, I am the sloppiest of sloppy and messiest of messy works-in-progress ever. I juggle being a full time mama to our 5 and 7  year old, and being a [for real, actual] ‘artist’-

*giggle , I never dreamed I would be a real, live artist someday. That was more of a childhood dream. Like being a ballerina. Or an astronaut.*

-that paints from a small little space and tries her hardest to keep track of everything without being seen in public with paint on her face, hair, or teeth [true story]. Paint on her hands and clothing have become trademark.

When my kids go to bed I pour a big ol’ glass of wine and go to work. When they get up, I pour a big ol’ cup of coffee and go to work. I hear sleep is overrated.

I gave up a lot of – ok ALL- of my personal time to grow my little people and my business. I let go of my social life and my physical fitness for quite some time.

This last year I have committed to a healthy lifestyle and exercise regime and for the FIRST time in my life I feel confident in every way. I am proud of my battle scars and don’t feel like I need to hide them anymore. Like the Japanese art form “Kintsukuroi” where broken pottery is repaired with gold and the final piece is considered more beautiful for having been broken, scars make us stronger and more beautiful for having earned them.

Looking back it is easy to see that every failure, every pain, every stumble was just another step on my path that I just couldn’t see yet.  I hope to inspire anyone who feels lost or depressed or confused or just feels like they are not ‘doing life right’  because I have been there. I thought I was messing up and making the wrong life decisions for a long time.  I have been at the lowest of low points. Physically and mentally. I didn’t realize what I wanted to be when I grew up until after I grew up. I want to share this with young women who aren’t sure of what they want to do yet, I hope to teach my daughter not to stress too much if she ‘off roads’ life a little.  It has taught me not to fear what the future has in store, rather, to try to accept it, use it, and to continue always looking on the bright side.

That practically-stranger and I have now been married almost eight years and though times were not always easy, I am happier than I could have ever imagined.

I am excited to continue this journey even though I am still making messes and stumbling as I go.

I am a Messy, Beautiful Warrior.

I firmly believe that learning to look at the silver lining in EVERY situation is key for success in life.

Always treat others as you want to be treated, give everyone and everything a second chance. Socializing, networking and being NICE will take you far. You never know what a little sunshine will do for someone else. Little rays of sunshine have done a lot for me.

Rejection is inevitable, I have faced way more rejection with business than acceptance and it has taught me to be stronger. Believe in myself. There comes a point where rejection no longer discourages you, rather it encourages you to push on. Be better.

I hope that by sharing my continuing journey I help to inspire and motivate anyone who feels lost or hopeless because we don’t all follow the same plan or template. We can make our own happily ever after.

Stay strong and carry on my fellow Messy, Beautiful Warriors.

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Pointing and Laughing

If you haven’t heard the story about SELF magazine and the tutu shaming, you will.

When I read this story this morning it reopened an old wound.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

When I was a freshman in high school, there was a solar eclipse.

For science class we got to go outside to observe.

We had special eye protection and were told to not look directly at the sun.

The local newspaper was there to report on the event.

As we were heading back inside, the photographer asked me for my name and I was SO excited to have my picture in the paper!!!!

The next day I was ecstatically searching the pages when to my horror, I saw the picture of me staring up into the sky (without the eye protection) as an example of what NOT to do.

I. was. mortified.

Being a new kid – transferred from a private Christian school to the big scary public high school- my little fourteen-year-old-perceived-world that was of course all about myself was so embarrassed.

For a an ENTIRE day.

Okay, okay it was not as life debilitating as I once thought it was.

Granted this is in a far more grand and magnified arena.

Like so many others, I was so upset and disappointed with SELF magazine.

Then I worked out. Hard. And I have discovered that workout time is my best thinking time. It makes me step back to take a better look at the picture (even though, I believe we never can actually see the entire picture as I explain in my post: This Is Gonna Piss Someone Off )

First of all, it is easy to be disappointed, but we shouldn’t be angered with the magazine to threaten cancellation like I have witnessed so many people express.

The magazine should have considered the negative perspective of shaming anyone when trying to be healthy. That was a huge mistake.

But the fact that the woman was technically deceived by whomever got her permission without clarifying why was not necessarily the magazine as a whole’s fault.

We too often ‘write off’ people and businesses and establishments and ideas when someone makes a mistake. Even when it is a huge, what-were-you-thinking kind of mistake.

Thank goodness I was not cancelled after all of my own huge, what-was-I-thinking mistakes.

I think SELF is receiving enough punishment and I truly believe with my (perhaps overly trusting, naive heart) that they did not mean to attack any individual. Especially one who is battling cancer.

The majority of the response I have witnessed is actually positive (except for the magazine shaming). It is making us all realize how ridiculous it is to belittle or make fun of one another. How are we supposed to teach our kids the importance of it when we are constantly bashing each other, sharing mean pics of complete strangers and pointing fingers and laughing at ANYone who is different enough in an unacceptable way.

I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here. We all do it. Just maybe it is time we notice we are doing it and what kind of message it is giving to our future generations.

The good news is we can always find a silver lining and the huge silver lining of this story is that it is spotlighting an amazing woman with an amazing cause who is going to get a lot of business and attention from this. In the end, I believe, love prevails. Love will win.

SO keep our chins up and try to be forgiving.

The magazine made a huge mistake, but they apologized and I still like the magazine. I think it overall helps people because I can say from very real, very personal and very recent experience that nutrition, exercise and overall health which is what they are all about, IS so good for all of us. I hate to see such a [usually] good  thing be written off from one mistake.

We all experience lots of negativity in life and I believe it is a necessary part of defining who we are.

However, I think people as a whole, are so quick to jump on the wagon and attack anyone or anything before knowing the entire story.

We have all experienced it and we need to embrace it, use it, and let it make us better. Forgive. Love. Be better. Win.

 

SPRING BREAK!!! ~sure doesn’t mean what it used to

Ohio weather, you stink.

Sure 60 one week, snow the next, but in the same day?

We all deserve a LOT more credit for being as mentally stable as we are.

*Note that I did not say mentally stable period, just mentally stable as we are.

My little family spent this busy weekend adventuring together.

Saturday was my son’s hockey practice where hubs is assisting coaching and we all stayed for open skate. Which is actually typical weekend scheduling for us, but today we went to the Cleveland Zoo Rainforest.

I have not been there in over 20 years.

It was awesome.

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Perfect cold day to spend in the humidity and there was not too many people so there was plenty of room and time to spend at each exhibit.

I was most mesmerized by the ants.

Gosh, I’m old….seriously? The ANTS?

They were fascinating!

Leafcutters. The exhibit was set up to stretch across 30 feet of a dark room. One end had the leaf chamber,where behind the glass you could see the ants cutting and separating leaf cuttings from a tree. Then there were tunnels and clear pipes that came out of the walls and back into the exhibit where you could observe a massive ant farm with tunnels and chambers and you could follow them on their way back and forth.

I could have sat there all day. What coordination. What cooperation. What work ethic. They as a species are marvelous. If only ours could take note.

My next favorite would have to be the sloth.

Again, how exciting is that?

Seriously the sloth?

Yep. I was taken with him and watching his cliche slow movement. Which was constant so I assume, for this guy, it was a pretty active day.

Last, and probably my most favorite was the cameleon.

He was so cool. Watching his eyes move and his feet step slowly, I could see the Lion King, Tangled and Rango animated versions clearly while studying this guy.

Yah, I guess you could say my zoo pallet has matured over the years. Not the orangutans, not the alligators, not the little lemur looking monkey dudes, but the cameleon…..the sloth….and the ants. Huh, kinda boring.

While we did not take home any crazy souvenirs:

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We did experience rock candy for the first time. That took me back. Always was a ‘souvenirish’ treat only experienced at excursions and very easily pacifies the desire to purchase something ridiculously priced at gift shops.

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Wow the phrase ‘Spring Break’ sure does evoke a whole different set of emotions than it did 15 years ago.

Su-ure, anyone can find the thrill of going to the beach, relaxing under the hot sun, sleeping in and partying late.

But real excitement is found in the challenge of making educational memories for little molding minds while dealing with inclement weather, a limited budget and a constricted time schedule yet-trying-to-keep-up-with-work-and-stay-on-top-of-YOUR-HOUSEHOLD-AND-SANITY-WHILE-KEEPING-LITTLE-PEOPLE-BUSY-ENOUGH-TO-NOT-DESTROY-ONE-ANOTHER-AS-THEY-LITERALLY-DEMAND-YOUR-ATTENTION-EVERY-TEN-MINUTES *inhales*

*sniffs*

So I raise my glass of reasonably priced boxed wine and my secret hidden stash of girl scout cookies to all us moms out there. who have a completely different opinion of Spring Break these days.

*klink*

Good luck folks

This is gonna piss someone off

I have been told all my life I am a nice person.

I have been told I am too nice.

Actually, I have even been called a pushover, spineless, foolish and told that I have no pride.

My husband once joked that if someone threw poop in my face, I would respond sincerely ‘I’m sorry, was I in your way?’

However, the usual opinion I have received is positive.

I don’t think I have made enemies anywhere. Not that I am aware of anyway.

Unfortunately, my kindness, like many others in this world,  is seen sometimes as a weakness.

But here is a secret.

It is truly a strength.

I myself, didn’t always know that.

But lately, I am going through some serious metamorphosis’.

My career and path has been become straighter these past few years as I have figured out what I am gonna be when I grow up, and most recently, for the past year, I have undergone a physical change. I have committed to serious exercise and I am literally feeling reborn. Not only physical changes, but mental. Now the mental may be a combination of all of it.

I used to feel lost and confused but now I get it, I know what I am supposed to do and it is giving me clarity and confidence that I have not felt in a looooong time.

I always felt I seem flighty and kind of silly and I never voice my thoughts entirely too much when it comes to ‘intellectual’ debate.

But I am realizing, no, not realizing, I always knew…… I am able to express why properly.

See, I am the kind of person that is smart (I swear, I am lol) but every time I open my mouth, what comes out ends up sounding like NOTHING that was in my mind.

I have trouble expressing my thoughts. Guess what, we ALL do. Just some, like myself….absolutely suck at it.

Not only do people express things differently, they interpret them differently.

So we are all misunderstanding things and each other ALL the time. Which really, when you think about it, is the root of every problem of mankind.

I am not trying to sound monumental or anything, lots of people get this, but it’s solidifying for me.

My own siblings and I who came from the same background, and had many similar life experiences and ate similarly, raised similarly, dressed similarly have trouble understanding each others points let alone someone from a different economic, ecologic, and educational background.

It is easy to get offended, or mad at…..anything. The way something sounded, the way some one looked at you, the  tone someone used talking to you,

If we could all try to not take it the way it seems it would make us a lot more forgiving.

When someone seems rude in line, they are not necessarily a rude person, they may have just had terrible news, or feeling sad or overwhelmed.

I think most of us realize that, we just react how we do because we are experiencing everything we have going on too. SO we may take offense and put too much thought into it because we had bad news or are feeling sad or overwhelmed or any of the other infinite situations.

So basically, there will NEVER be a perfect exchange of information because everything ANYONE does or says results in the limitless factors of their personality, upbringing, mood, anything that effects the way they express anything at any given moment, and it will never be interpreted by ANYONE exactly the same because again, the limitless factors of their personality, upbringing, mood, etc affects the way they interpret it.

This is not just with direct interaction. It is everything we experience.

Take a movie.

If you miss the beginning of a movie, you may watch the whole thing, but interpret it differently than you would had you seen the entire thing.

My husband was watching The Siege the other night while I was writing notes for this post.

I had seen the part where Bruce Willis and Denzel Washington are standing off each other’s authority. I always thought Bruce Willis was such an obvious monster, and now that I watched more of it (not all, mind you) I can empathize with his character.  Kind of like how awful Darth Vader is but once you watch episode III, you can’t help but feel sorry for him and it changes the perspective of him forever. And maybe it doesn’t for you.  But it does for some.

And how the soldiers cannot help but feel obligated to listen to Bruce Willis even though he is wrong (to us, the audience) because it is all they know. They don’t see the whole picture yet. Just like I didn’t see the whole picture when I watched a scene and didn’t know what was going on. Just like really, NONE of us ever see the entire picture of what is going on. Ever. We see clips, we see Facebook profiles, we see what the media and news tells us, we see how the person in line sounds rude to us but we don’t see every factor in their life that leads up to that exact moment to explain why. AND, if we did, every factor of our life leads up to how we INTERPRET it.

This is especially true with writing.

We can read one sentence, just five words and interpret it totally different.

For example read the sentence:    You think I am bad?  You think I am bad? You think I am bad? You think am bad? You think I am bad? You think I am bad?

See how just emphasizing different words give it a slightly different meaning every time.

That is just one little sentence. Think of a paragraph. Think of a book. We understand the basis, but we just might get a little difference of interpretation of the littlest details.

Have you ever been in a book club where you discuss the same words with someone who didn’t interpret the same thing you did?

And furthermore, we, ourselves interpret things so differently depending on what we have experienced. Have you ever read a book ten years later than the first time and you interprest it so differently. I know I have. Movies changed for me monumentally after I had kids. The exact movie I used to watch was different somehow because I had a different perspective.

There are SO many different factors to expression and perspectives or interpretations, it is impossible to have the exact same as ANYONE.

Haven’t we all watched drama unfold on Facebook because everything is taken out of context. And every opinion is expressed and interpreted differently and it so quickly expands and blows up. That is an analogy of how far things  get expressed and interpreted so differently that it causes debates, it causes crime, it causes war.

All of this, for me, boils down to one point. We will never understand everything exactly the way it was meant, or exactly the same as everyone else.

That is why I don’t debate politics. I don’t debate religion….too much.

I am a Christian. I don’t like to advertise that with my business too much, not out of shame or anything, but because so many people form immediate perspectives or opinions just by seeing that word. Christian. It is such controversial word, what isn’t anymore. I would rather be an example of what I believe to people that would otherwise be turned off with a title.

I have faith.

I am a believer.

It may not be exactly what you believe, it may not be exactly what my family or friends believe because (all together now) we all have unique perceptions and interpretations of everything. Including God.

I believe in God. I feel his love.

I struggle and question just as much as the next person about the Bible, and what it means exactly because I believe none of us know exactly…anything. I believe we are not meant to.

I will not debate what I think is right and wrong, because I am not sure and I believe no one can be.

Everything is debatable. Medicine, science, math,  things that seem objective have debates by the most educated, prestigious scholars.

I DO know that I myself, do plenty wrong. We all do. So why should we debate what we think others do, or whether or not it even is  wrong.

But the one thing I can honestly say I do know (but I cannot explain to make you know) is  love. That is a pretty clear point to me.

I grew up going to Christian school and I learned a lot of Bible verses and I studied much of the Bible and can honestly say I have read the entire thing through out my life.

A lot has spoken to me, different perspectives at different points of life. I encourage people to experience reading it, but I also am aware of how my upbringing has made it different for me. Who would open that book for the first time and make sense of it all. The discussions I have had with people that did not have the same history as me makes me realize how different interpretations and perspectives are.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

I am getting off point. I would love to go further with so much more, more about my opinions, more about my personal formula of my perspective from my life history and experiences but I don’t want to lose the point of this post.

My point is, I try not to see the bad in anyone.

I would hate for people to see my bad reaction (which there are plenty) to something and assume anything negative about me.

I find it hard to believe people are naturally mean.

I think there are so many underlying factors for every specific scenario that I want to be forgiving. To be nice. You never know what that can do for someone.

I try to stay a positive person in general.

If everyone tried to be a light in this world rather than bring anymore darkness, there would be a lot less….bad.

Love. Be a light. Show love, even if it is just by being nice. You can never be too nice.

 

Mark 12:31:                      The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

I Corinthians 13:13:     And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I Peter 4:8 :                      Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

AND since it is inevitable that my words will be perceived and interpreted in a way other than I intend, know that I believe no one can know anything, including myself. So this is just a dialogue I have had forever, put down for you to see into me.

 

Watch Movie Online Logan (2017)

Lighten Up People

I have been keeping myself pretty busy these days.

However, I recently came across an interesting read about the inquiry of how often one should post on their blog.

While there were many answers and opinions and discussions on the subject, I did find that not one recommended blogging on a monthly basis. Seems I am not properly updating so I figured it would be a good time to do so.

Life is still crazy hectic.

Just like I am sure it is for every one of you.

School, work, kids, snow, freezing-ludicrous-cold, new year, car, dentist, birthdays, schedules, appointments, meetings, itineraries, illness, celebrations, babies, weddings, family, friends, loss, recoveries, and rebirths keep us all so busy.

It is easy to forget to relax every once in awhile. To slow down, or *gasp* stop even, to enjoy….life.

It is the little things that make life meaningful.

It is the silly things that make life humorous.

And sometimes it is up to us to change our perception to improve our own circumstances.

We need to lighten up.

Silly things… like the need to document toy Finn Mcmissile’s last journey.

The other night I was irritated with my son’s busted toy matchbox Finn Mcmissile car. It used to say quotes from the movie when you pushed a button but something happened and it started making the most irritating, drone noise and will. not. stop.

It was annoying at first.

Then I posted about it and laughed at the responses. Then someone recommended I make it a contest to see how long this thing will last.

Now, four days after he started, I am carrying this thing around so I know the moment he stops and he has officially grown on me. I am enjoying documenting his last days. Or weeks. Or however this thing goes on.

I was just explaining this to hubs in the car this morning.

He fails to see the thrill and excitement I get from capturing images on Finn’s travels.

While it makes me giggle when I explain that I need a pic of my toy Finn on the counter of Dunkin Donuts, or the bar at Applebees, it makes him uncomfortable.

When I have to take Finn out of my pocket and hand him to the security guard at the Cleveland Q for the Lake Erie Monster’s game after he set the alarm off, I can see him shaking his head at me.

Silly, eccentric people like myself, can appreciate the oddness of the moments and enjoy sharing them with the masses.

Because you all will be glad to see updates of ‘Finn watch”

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The young employees seemed perplexed when the patron whipped a toy car out of her pocket and squatted down to snap a pic while they made her coffee…

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At least I was considerate enough not to to snap a pic at the hub’s office while he was looking. I’ll let his coworkers ask about it when I’m not there…

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The most casual of all encounters was the bartender. When asked if he minds if his pic is up for thousands to see ‘naaah,  I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn already one somewhere’

I actually had Finn in my coat pocket at church this morning but decided against perching him on the pew in front of me for a photo op.

I did have someone tell me in the checkout line at the store that my phone was vibrating  which I just had to smile and respond ‘thanks, it’s just my toy Finn Mcmissile’.  I figure they were quite satisfied with that answer or too afraid to ask because nothing else was said.

So what started out as a complete pain to me, has become really amusing.

My perspective of it has changed.

So try to relax and enjoy the silliness that life has to offer. Lighten up people.

There will always be enough deadlines and responsibilities to keep us busy. Try to enjoy the little things. The silly things.

 

Oh yah, I almost forgot about my fitness update!

I just finished the entire Insanity program, and I am starting it over tomorrow. That gives me enough time to complete it again before my 35th Birthday.

I never weigh myself so I have no idea where I am or how much I lost, but I AM wearing jeans I wore in college (as in, PRE-baby) *yesssssssss*

I’ll check in again after the first month.

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Grow up

Happy New Year all!

Wow. Here we are. 2014.

If I had asked myself over the last 15 years where I would be in 2014 -more importantly, the year I would be turning 35; I would never had guessed I would be where I am. Not once.

Not a mother. Twice especially.

Not a for real artist.

Not a blogger. -who will begin posting more than once a month

Not an entrepreneur -what?

Not a business owner -double what??

Although it must be noted that I appear to be way more put together online than I actually am. We moved in with hub’s parents to save money while we find somewhere closer to his work to live. Great right? Live with the kids grandparents for a little while while saving up money and get ahead for once. Buuuut we have more expenses than we realized with storage unit and child care and paying off lots of debt and all that fun stuff. My productivity and space is limited so it is still kind of… messy.

2013 was a year of realization and major change for me.

Many of you know my story of self discovery has been a lifelong journey (for a nutshell peek check out: battle scars,  seven year love, and I’m not weird) but this last year has been…enlightening.

I am realizing that I am in fact….a grownup.

Whenever I think of grownups I don’t think of myself, or my husband. I think of our parents. My friends parents. Teachers from my past. Not me.

But…I am turning 35. I never faced aging with any deep feelings. 30 was not a big deal. I was already a mom and married and all that more-mature-but-definitely-not-grown-up stuff.

But… 35 is different. 35 is grownup. Or it should be, right?

It’s half of my dad’s age. I KNOW he was a grownup at 35.

When I look at the world outside my little bubble (where I spend 90% of my time) I see so many successful people with careers and beautiful homes and organized lives and clean children with matching socks 100% of the time and the fact that they are not only my age but *gasp* so many are younger ….I realize that I am considered a grownup. *sniff*

I am just not the most put together of grownups. (and realistically, never will be)

And I am ok with that.

Actually, I am just really finding myself, trusting myself and LIKING myself this last year.

I am figuring out my life, I am trusting myself more and not worrying about what every other person in my life/world thinks and I am actually relaxing and feeling confident.

I don’t know, but I assume we all have dreams and aspirations and goals that we want and we know we could get, we just…don’t.

For many many reasons and most, again I assume, are from our own self-sabotaging. Another amazing perk to having a page is realizing how many people have the same idiosyncrasies as me. I love posting something funny-slightly embarrassing and hearing so many encouraging comments from my fellow eccentrics and realizing just how much so many of us have in common.

Well I have been sabotaging myself. For years. I have been wanting to get into physical shape and I have bouts of good regime but never stick with it and return to my horrible eating and sleeping and feeling blah- ness.

My last post I shared how I have been on a fitness kick and turning 35 was the motivation I needed. Because I have never stuck with it like I am. I am officially pass the working phase and into the addicted phase where I literally love it.

I am half-way through Insanity and am officially obsessed.

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I feel better, I eat better, I sleep better, I love dressing more! Those who know me personally , are aware of my lack of fashion, I have always been one for comfort. I don’t wear jewelry, I don’t color my hair, do my nails, I live in flip flops in warm weather and combat boots in cold, I don’t have much of anything in the accessories department, I have never had a mani OR pedi- I just never got excited about fashion-y stuff.  I am most comfortable in paint covered PJ pants and fuzzy socks. But it is kind of fun to use a little color and layers and I am slowly getting into it.

paint

Now, I have always been one to sleep. I am one of those people who could sleep for days, and still could, if it weren’t for the people I made.

But now, I get better sleep and I don’t want to miss stuff. I am not always tired and physically able to curl up and sleep in ANY situation – especially if there is a pillow and warm blanket involved. Although that does sound really nice.

The whole point of all of this is to show that I finally really did it.

I made a major change in my life with determination and dedication. That just sounds so grownup, now don’t it?

Now I know that I really can do grownup things.

And I plan to. This is my year. My year to do the things I know I can but have been making excuses not to.

I am ready to continue pursuing this path and will continue my self-improvement and I will be sharing the journey with you all.

Bring it, ’14.

 

 

 

Resolution Schmesolution

So the year is winding down already.

Is it me or do they just seem to go faster and faster?  Ok, I know it’s not me because I realize how true it is when grown-ups always tell you how time flies.

People are getting ready for Christmas and making plans for New Years. Maybe thinking about what their resolutions will be.

Welp, I have never been one for resolutions.

I never stay committed so I just decided to keep it real and stop making any.

This year, I have one. One that I already started.

It’s not really a New Year’s resolution rather than a lifetime one.

I hit rock bottom fitness wise last year.

I gave up all activity and sat eating chocolate and painting pretty much 24/7.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVd03Dcx_I8

I have never been in that bad of shape, but I have not been in good shape for a long time.

After visiting the Dr. while in denial and convincing myself I had a thyroid issue and that is why I was gaining wait and tired ALL the time, I was deemed healthy.

Rats.

You mean I have to start eating right and exercising?  Ugh.

While painting one day an ad came on Pandora for a 30 day trial to an online fitness program, Dailyburn.com

I figured why not.

I can work out in the basement at home with my four year old in sweet boxers and paint stained tee-shirts.

I was sore and miserable for the first week.

But I kept at it.

I finished a 21 day challenge and was feeling great. I ended up purchasing the ($10 a month) membership and trying some different programs on the site. I did the 21 day challenge 3x and mixed in other programs available.

Now, seven months later, I decided to make my lifetime resolution.

I will be in the best shape of my life when I turn 35 in April.

I decided to do the Insanity workout.

Thank goodness I was preparing because there is NO way I could be doing this seven months ago.

Eating healthy…*cough* I do eat better but I still eat the junk…..actually, I am eating mint M&M’s while I type this.

But I have more energy and am in much better moods. I even scare my kids with my spontaneous dancing and singing:

carwashdance

Yep, I am ok with turning 35, especially if I AM in the best shape of my life.

Although, I am feeling my age.

My family often hikes and we were scoping out sledding territory this last weekend.

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While running down the hill, I literally lost control and could NOT stop myself. I had to turn off the path to try to slow down and hit uneven ground that resulted in me falling on my shoulder and hitting my head. I wish I had video. I want to see it now. I’m sure it lasted 5 seconds although I felt like it was way longer. I have never fallen like that or been so out of control of myself.  Now my shoulder aches and pops a little. SO I am taking it easy on arm work. No push ups. Shucks.

So-o, I’ll keep you all posted as I approach my Birthday.

But here’s to truly being addicted to that near death-sweat soaked feeling everyday 🙂

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Thank you giveaway!!!

I wish we could have daylight savings time everyday.

Really. Who couldn’t use one more hour? Everyday?

We stayed up late Saturday night watching Star Wars (the original) eating from a big ol’ bowl of popcorn piled on the couch surrounded by fuzzy love on the floor.

Everyone adjusted to the time change smoothly.

I wish I had time to pursue every creative avenue I have.

One such avenue I put on hold a couple years ago, waiting for my kids to be older.

Painting walls is such a dream. I have so many ideas in my head.

When an old friend asked me about painting the nursery for her third baby, I hesitated.

I have been asked to paint several walls in the past and declined. I planned on waiting until my kids were in school and I had an easier schedule to work with.

But I loved her idea and being a fabulous returning customer, I agreed.

Here are stools custom made for her boys. Hubs made the stools, I painted. Again, something I wish I had more time for.

stools

While it did take a lot longer than I originally planned, it was a great learning curve for me. Mind you, I am used to working with tiny amounts of paint any more.

naked monkeys

mid nursery

done monkeyslion

 

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If I just had more time everyday to do all the different things I want to do. I love painting walls, I want to illustrate, I want to learn new techniques, I want to learn graphic ANYthing!

But for now, time and space is temporarily limited.Watch Full Movie Online Streaming Online and Download

But LOTS of big dreams in store 🙂

So what better way to say thank you all for helping me make my dreams a reality than to giveaway a set of glasses!?!

Who wants a set of glasses (wine, pints, rocks, flutes, shooters, whatever you choose) for your favorite team?!

Whether it’s a pro, college, local or even peewee team, show your spirit with your own custom painted and personalized glassware! Makes a terrific gift just in time for the Holidays!

foosball

 

 

 

 

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People Watching

I enjoy people watching.

I love to watch a crowded scene.

Sipping on a cappuccino at the mall observing the Holiday shoppers.watch full movie Born in China 2017 online

Waiting to go on shift at the bar sipping Redbull and inspecting the accumulating crowds.

Examining the buzz and hum of a busy metropolitan area.

My latest trend of people watching may be the most entertaining of all. It is the fascinating social structure of ………the playground.

*except perhaps, some highlights of the observations made from behind the bar. People, please realize that other people can see you when you are out and about and partaking of too many libations.

** I am so not throwing stones, I am simply offering advice *cough*

What an educational experience to witness the sociology of little people in their purest form.

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Not only is it an enlightening evidence of how people [children mostly] act and react to one another in a social structure ranging from micro level of one on one contact to macro levels of system organization displayed by group functions……….

it is just so amusing.

Of course it is compelling to watch children’s interactions. Especially when they don’t realize anyone is watching.

I love witnessing my young children socialize with no prejudice or preconceived ideas of separation. There is an innocence and purity to the miniature people’s social behavior.

But I can already see that these years are coming to a close as I watch the girls, just a couple years older than my son play. There is already a divide. I can already see the leaders and followers. I can spot the mean girls and the bullies. And they are not even there yet, but you can see the social structure forming.

You can even see it in the grownups. Although it is not as obvious.

The moms in the local meet up or the scheduled play dates.

But hands down, my favorite group to people watch on the playground is the pubescent crowd.

The groups of kids that are watching each-other, worrying about what they think the others are thinking about themselves.

Those that are in the throes of passion and so in LOVE that it hurts to be apart for 10th period, and are so obviously meant for each other that the entire PARK cannot be  oblivious to the fact.

I can’t help it.

It is the Jon Hughes-esque atmosphere that I enjoy the most.

Seeing these young people and remembering so vividly what it was like to be there at that stage, makes me realize ….how immature I am.

Ha, really, hindsight truly is 20/20. And watching it all now as our parents and elders watched us, makes me realize, I actually wouldn’t have done it any differently.

I wish I had solid words of wisdom for my kids, for my daughter who is probably going to experience a lot of things I did, but I don’t.

I’m still trying to figure it all out.

I will just love them and try to be as good of an example as my parents were.

Let them have their own self shaping experiences and create their own memories.

I look back at ALL the silly, serious, dramatic, romantic, sad, unfair, embarrassing, exciting moments I can so clearly remember and I wouldn’t take back any of them.

I was a well rounded not popular, not unpopular, friends with everyone kind of person.

When I think of my pubescent years I imagine a nice montage of Pretty in Pink, Some Kind of Wonderful, She’s All That, 10 things I Hate About You, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, Can’t Hardly Wait, Heathers and Carrie…..wait no, not Carrie.  Tis the season. Sorry.

Aaaaand maybe not Heather’s so much either. Although I did have a thing for Christian Slater. Ah, I just LOVED him in untamed heart.  And Pump Up the Volume. I think it was his whole mysterious new guy/bad boy persona.

Which at this VERY moment is hitting me why it was NOT entirely inappropriate how obsessed I was with Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights because he IS the essence of my high school movie crush…hold on, hold on….

hottie duo

Huh.

Where was I….

 

Oh yes, my spying and eavesdropping tendencies more properly addressed as people watching.

I highly suggest it.

I recently had a flight to Denver and from waiting in line at busy airports, to walking around the electric downtown on a Saturday night, to just sitting in a busy hotel lobby, I was reminded of how much I do enjoy people watching crowds.

I learned that I am inspired artistically by it also.

And that I love to sip caffeinated beverages.

And then write about it.