SO here’s the thing.
Lots of people don’t really know how to act or what to say to someone that they have not seen in awhile but read on Facebook that they were ‘just diagnosed as Bipolar’.
‘Are you oks?’ and ‘I’m sorrys’ are fine but there is not a cliff note version for me to explain the 35 year-in-the-making-of-this-diagnose and how I really AM and am going TO BE ok.
Hugs are great.
A week ago, I thought hugs equaled miracles and truly had myself convinced I could save the world one hug at a time because it would pay forward and multiply so intensely.
But those were irrational thoughts.
And I was not sleeping.
Although I thought I was. I was CONVINCED that I was.
Thankfully, I am so blessed with a family that is patient and loving and willing to do all they can for me and let me ride it out without forcing me to do anything I was not comfortable doing.
Most importantly, I have the MOST amazing husband.
I have never boasted this before. It is way overdue.
We are living the not so typical happily-ever-after life one has when they really get to know their spouse after they get married.
But I’ll tell you what…
We have had ups and downs, bumps in the road, sharp turns and I am more in love with that man than ever.
I have the best support team one could ask for.
SO being Bipolar is not so bad. For me. It is hell for my loved ones and I am so sorry.
I truly empathize with anyone who does not have the solid support system I have. I look at every person differently now. You never know what ANYone is going through. Even if it is a a stranger or best friend. A coworker or a family member. An acquaintance or a spouse.
Another valid reason to be kind to one another. To love.
The worst part about it is that I was on an awesome exercise stint until 2 weeks ago. The medication I am taking stinks stinks stinks. Not only does it give me terrible dry mouth, it makes the morning walk down the stairs feel like the guy that closed the bars trying to stumble out the door. I have lost the love I have and the ability to work as hard as I have been.
But I will not give in.
I say ‘fine.’ “Bring it, Bipolar’.
The thing I have learned from this new chapter of life is… it is
okay it is necessary to just say no.
See, I am a people pleaser. I just cannot say no. To anything. Even if I know I shouldn’t or couldn’t do something I was asked I would try to find some slight chance I can and slowly drive myself crazy stressing out about the actual thing itself or what people think because I haven’t done said thing and if they would be upset or mad or how much it was putting stress on them and -*whew*
I have to just stop.
For myself. For my children. For my family.
Many of you know I have this dream of having my own studio and on line store with my own signature line of glassware among other peices and meet the growing demand for Makikisart products.
I cannot do it right now. Not just yet.
I don’t have the room, resources or the time to supply the demand of glasses and continue to pursue actual painting that I love and be the best momma I can be.
I attempted a crowd funding project that failed (but was still very educational)
So, I apologize that Makikisart is still delayed, but have no fear, it will be fantastic when it arrives in the real world.
This IS my year and I will not let stress, hormones or mental illness win. I will continue to find silver linings (because they are ALWAYS there if you have the right perception)
So here’s to taking one step at a time and continuing this journey. Sometimes you have to take a few steps back but you can keep moving forward and that makes it all the more worth it. Never give up. Goonies never say die.
So maybe it will not cure the world of all it’s negativity…but hug someone today. Or just love someone. Let love win.
Hi, I’m Kimmy and I like warm hugs.
Till next time.